So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
