Christians are straight up FREAKS
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
