Christians are straight up FREAKS
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
