That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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