for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
