just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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