Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
