There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
false alarm, still single
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
