Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I touched a dick in church today
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
