Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize