I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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