how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
