I got chris browned last night
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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