Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Randomize
