Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
barbara walters just said penis...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
