I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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