I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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