fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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