every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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