Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
