Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
