Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
