And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
