I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
