Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize