Please, let me fuck your mom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
