yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
