Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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