Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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