Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
