Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
