The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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