That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
