apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
