I hate your face
he shaved USA in his pubs
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
