I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dear god my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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