We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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