What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
