if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
