i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
