you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
