What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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