Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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