i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
