You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
