If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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