I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
