...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
