i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize