i was rollin on her like bob the builder
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
