If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize