Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
