You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
