Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
