Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
