I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
