I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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