i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
