wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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