i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
