okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
