Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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