D3 body, D1 cock
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
