no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
