don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
