I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
