Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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