He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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