every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
