U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
