I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
