Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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