I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
