my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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