I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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