It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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