It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
