Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
