do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So vagazzling was a success
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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