He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
