Can i not drive my cunt home
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
