You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
