God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
